Hello from
this freezing cold land, aka Manitoba!! Almost three weeks ago I forced my body
to transition from hot to cold, a 13 hour time difference, and from being half
a world away to living in the same house as my beautiful family. It’s funny how
I always forget what it’s like coming home after being gone for an extended
period of time. It catches me off guard every time. Let me explain. Weeks
before coming home, I anticipate going home. I imagine all the hugs and warm
welcome. They pick me up at the airport with big smiles and bear hugs. I feel
like the most loved person in the world. For the next few days, we talk a lot,
catching up on each other’s lives. Slowly, I feel a mental shift. Something
feels different or off. I can’t ever quite place my finger on it. It’s like a
weird turmoil inside of me. For a week or two I walk around confused. And then
I realize what is happening. I have had to learn to function without my family
by my side. They have had to learn to function without me by their side. We’ve all
changed and grown during our time apart. Sometimes it feels like irritation or
disagreements or unexplained restlessness. So I have to tell myself it’s ok. It
doesn’t mean that we don’t love each other. It’ll get better. We will
understand each other again really soon and our hearts will feel connected
again. Don’t get me wrong! I absolutely love and adore my family and wouldn’t
trade them for anything in the world! But I have to ask myself, why do I have
to ‘learn’ this the hard way every time?!
On a different
note, this is the first time Colin and I have attempted a long distance
relationship. I don’t think we’re very good at this. I miss him A LOT! In the
last few months, he has become a very important person in my life and I don’t
like this 50,000 miles distance (maybe a little exaggerated) between us one
bit. I am very excited that he is coming to Canada real soon to see me and meet
my awesome family!
Just in case
any of you are still waiting on a post of how we met, here you go J. This is for those of you that like
detailed love stories. If you don’t want to read it, I won’t be offended in the
least bit.
When I moved
to Cambodia, my Malaysian friend, who I had met in Africa last summer,
connected me with her friend who is also a missionary in Cambodia. On May 26, this
friend, invited me to church and a birthday party after. I didn’t want to go to
the party and have to spend the evening with a bunch of strangers. However, I
knew I had to be intentional at building community, so I went. I remember
sitting sort of across the table from this handsome, dark-haired guy. Colin
seemed cool, but I didn’t think much of it. It so happened that he took me home
from the party with his motorcycle. This isn’t just any normal bike. It’s
beastly and magnificent! We chatted a bit on the way, but mostly, I just
enjoyed riding through the streets. I was shocked at myself for enjoying it so
much as I never thought I was a biker kind of girl. For a few minutes I forgot
all about my homesickness and the anxiety of adapting to a brand new life. When
I got home, I felt refreshed and excited! I’d made new friends. I’d be ok. I
was especially thankful that I now had a guy-friend, so I had someone to
protect me if I wanted to be out in the evenings and someone to be a brother
cause mine were so far away.
I started
hanging out with Colin’s group of friends. And then he took me out for dinner
and a city tour. As we stood by the river and talked, he shared with me why he
came to Cambodia and his love for the people there. His eyes glowed as he
shared what God is doing in Cambodia and how he’d seen God encounter people
with His love and power. Looking back, that’s where I fell in love with him,
although I probably wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone, including myself.
We had a few
more discussions as the weeks went by and a lot of praying between the discussions.
Discussion #1:
Me: I am new in this country and I
don’t want this friendship to be any more than just friends.
Colin: I’m not closed to the idea (of
being more than just friends).
Discussion #2:
Colin: I like you. I could really see
us build a future together.
Me: I’m not ready to start a
relationship just now. If you want to wait till I come back from Canada in
January, you can. If you want to move on, you can. (This was after God had
already given me great peace about beginning the relationship).
Colin: I will wait for you.
Discussion #3:
Colin: This 'just friends' thing isn’t
working for me.
Me: I just don’t know (cause it
wasn’t working for me either).
Colin: I have never felt this way
about anyone before. I’m having huge trouble sleeping. I’ve been praying A LOT
too…
…Circumstances I simply cannot
guarantee anything, except a deep reliance on God.
Me: (Jaw drops. I couldn’t believe
he’d just said that last sentence. For the last few years I’d been praying that
‘my man’ would tell me that before I’d get married. Tbh I’d tried to come up
with a plan to get my man to say it. And now Colin just said it. Without any
‘help’ from me.)
Me: Let me talk with my family. I’ll
get back to you in two weeks.
Colin: Goodenachte. Bott lota. (Haha
he was already studying Low German)
Discussion #4:
After I’d had a lengthy conversation
with my dad.
Colin: Do you want to be my
girlfriend?
Me: (30 min later) Yes.
We held hands and asked God to be the
centre and focus of our relationship.
So obviously
I’ve summarized the conversations and skipped a lot of what we talked about.
It’s been quite the journey since we began the relationship. We have hit a
number of rough patches, but also seen God move in ways only He could.
Colin has
inspired me to pursue God above all else. He has helped me dare to dream bigger
and believe God for the impossible. He listens patiently as I stumble around
for words to describe what is going in my heart and only offers a solution to
my problems if I ask for it. He lets me cry on his shoulder when I miss my
family. We laugh together a lot as well. In all this we want to honour God and
put Him before any of our dreams and ideas.
So there you
have it J
