Saying "I Do"

Hello blog world! So much has happened since my last entry, I could write a book. Since December, my relationship status has gone from in a relationship, to engaged, to married. My name has changed from Brenda Dueck, to Brenda Chen. There’s even a wedding band on my finger! I’m back in Cambodia. It’s been a wild journey! 

New Years Eve, at midnight, under the stars, Colin went down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I was so awestruck by the beauty of the moment, all I got out was a whispered “Yes”, as he slipped the ring on my finger. We shared our first kiss. It was magical! Time seemed to stand still. At this point we climbed back in the truck, since it was about -35 degrees Celsius. Together we asked God to bless and guide this new step in our relationship. 

A few weeks later, Colin flew back to Cambodia and I stayed in Canada to spend time with my family and friends and plan the wedding. I also worked part time. We spent countless hours on the phone. Both of us had less than ideal WiFi connections, so there was a lot of “can you hear me?”, “let’s try messenger” and “let me go outside”. One of the benefits of long distance relationship is the amount of time you spend in conversations. We had to keep talking. That was the only way to know that our wifi connection hadn’t failed. I learned to verbalize my feelings and thoughts a lot better. We discussed cultural and personality similarities and differences. We talked about childhood experiences. We dreamed together. And prayed together. And so much more. But, boy, was I happy when those 106 days were over and I was back in my beloved’s arms! 

Colin was back in Canada for just over a month before our wedding. We finished wedding planning. We went shopping for our time back in Cambodia. We spent time with family and friends. We did premarital counselling with my pastor. And we counted down the days till we’d become Mr and Mrs. 

June 8, 2018, dawned bright and clear! We did photos in the morning. Had lunch with family and bridal party. At this point I was completely tired. I had wanted to enjoy our wedding but at this point I wanted it to just be over. We prayed for more energy and that we would be able to look back and say we enjoyed the wedding. By the time I got to the wedding site, I was energized and felt recharged. As I walked down the aisle with my dad, looking into the eyes of the love of my life, I thought my heart might explode! So many flutters, feelings, and joy! It was happening! The time of worship was beautiful and full of the love of God. We said yes to Jesus all over again. And then we stepped up to commit our lives to each other. Only God could’ve come up with such a beautiful thing as marriage. As we signed the legal documents, braided the three-cord stand, and shared communion, we remembered God’s faithfulness and love. All this in the midst of our family and friends, who went above and beyond to pour into us, our relationship, and wedding. 

And then we rode off into the sunset (ok maybe the sun wasn’t actually setting yet). We spent four amazing days in a cabin by the lake and two days in the city. Came back home and began packing and spending the last days with family. 

June 24th, we stepped on the plane, together, to fly back to our other home. The first morning we drove around the city on our motorcycle, happy to be home. Spent a week getting over jetlag and settling in to Colin’s apartment. And then Colin went back to work and I went back to join my Iris team. 

These last few months have been such a whirlwind of events and emotions. Most of it has been absolutely amazing and some of it hard! But it’s been so much, I feel like I stayed behind. I jumped back into ministry really fast and pretended all was well. But it caught up with me. I’ve spent the last few days resting, allowing myself to feel, to miss my family, to be a wife, to get used to the food and culture again, to think and process, to trust God, and allow Colin to pamper me. 

In all this, I want to say God is faithful! I am excited to see how He will continue to lead. 

Thank you to so many of you who have blessed us through letters, meals, finances, hugs, and encouraging notes! 

Love you all, 
Brenda Chen

Relationships

Hello from this freezing cold land, aka Manitoba!! Almost three weeks ago I forced my body to transition from hot to cold, a 13 hour time difference, and from being half a world away to living in the same house as my beautiful family. It’s funny how I always forget what it’s like coming home after being gone for an extended period of time. It catches me off guard every time. Let me explain. Weeks before coming home, I anticipate going home. I imagine all the hugs and warm welcome. They pick me up at the airport with big smiles and bear hugs. I feel like the most loved person in the world. For the next few days, we talk a lot, catching up on each other’s lives. Slowly, I feel a mental shift. Something feels different or off. I can’t ever quite place my finger on it. It’s like a weird turmoil inside of me. For a week or two I walk around confused. And then I realize what is happening. I have had to learn to function without my family by my side. They have had to learn to function without me by their side. We’ve all changed and grown during our time apart. Sometimes it feels like irritation or disagreements or unexplained restlessness. So I have to tell myself it’s ok. It doesn’t mean that we don’t love each other. It’ll get better. We will understand each other again really soon and our hearts will feel connected again. Don’t get me wrong! I absolutely love and adore my family and wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world! But I have to ask myself, why do I have to ‘learn’ this the hard way every time?!

On a different note, this is the first time Colin and I have attempted a long distance relationship. I don’t think we’re very good at this. I miss him A LOT! In the last few months, he has become a very important person in my life and I don’t like this 50,000 miles distance (maybe a little exaggerated) between us one bit. I am very excited that he is coming to Canada real soon to see me and meet my awesome family!

Just in case any of you are still waiting on a post of how we met, here you go J. This is for those of you that like detailed love stories. If you don’t want to read it, I won’t be offended in the least bit.  

When I moved to Cambodia, my Malaysian friend, who I had met in Africa last summer, connected me with her friend who is also a missionary in Cambodia. On May 26, this friend, invited me to church and a birthday party after. I didn’t want to go to the party and have to spend the evening with a bunch of strangers. However, I knew I had to be intentional at building community, so I went. I remember sitting sort of across the table from this handsome, dark-haired guy. Colin seemed cool, but I didn’t think much of it. It so happened that he took me home from the party with his motorcycle. This isn’t just any normal bike. It’s beastly and magnificent! We chatted a bit on the way, but mostly, I just enjoyed riding through the streets. I was shocked at myself for enjoying it so much as I never thought I was a biker kind of girl. For a few minutes I forgot all about my homesickness and the anxiety of adapting to a brand new life. When I got home, I felt refreshed and excited! I’d made new friends. I’d be ok. I was especially thankful that I now had a guy-friend, so I had someone to protect me if I wanted to be out in the evenings and someone to be a brother cause mine were so far away.

I started hanging out with Colin’s group of friends. And then he took me out for dinner and a city tour. As we stood by the river and talked, he shared with me why he came to Cambodia and his love for the people there. His eyes glowed as he shared what God is doing in Cambodia and how he’d seen God encounter people with His love and power. Looking back, that’s where I fell in love with him, although I probably wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone, including myself.

We had a few more discussions as the weeks went by and a lot of praying between the discussions.

Discussion #1:

Me: I am new in this country and I don’t want this friendship to be any more than just friends.

Colin: I’m not closed to the idea (of being more than just friends).

Discussion #2:

Colin: I like you. I could really see us build a future together.

Me: I’m not ready to start a relationship just now. If you want to wait till I come back from Canada in January, you can. If you want to move on, you can. (This was after God had already given me great peace about beginning the relationship).

Colin: I will wait for you.

Discussion #3:

Colin: This 'just friends' thing isn’t working for me.

Me: I just don’t know (cause it wasn’t working for me either).

Colin: I have never felt this way about anyone before. I’m having huge trouble sleeping. I’ve been praying A LOT too…

…Circumstances I simply cannot guarantee anything, except a deep reliance on God.

Me: (Jaw drops. I couldn’t believe he’d just said that last sentence. For the last few years I’d been praying that ‘my man’ would tell me that before I’d get married. Tbh I’d tried to come up with a plan to get my man to say it. And now Colin just said it. Without any ‘help’ from me.)

Me: Let me talk with my family. I’ll get back to you in two weeks.

Colin: Goodenachte. Bott lota. (Haha he was already studying Low German)

Discussion #4:

After I’d had a lengthy conversation with my dad.

Colin: Do you want to be my girlfriend?

Me: (30 min later) Yes.

We held hands and asked God to be the centre and focus of our relationship.  

So obviously I’ve summarized the conversations and skipped a lot of what we talked about. It’s been quite the journey since we began the relationship. We have hit a number of rough patches, but also seen God move in ways only He could.

Colin has inspired me to pursue God above all else. He has helped me dare to dream bigger and believe God for the impossible. He listens patiently as I stumble around for words to describe what is going in my heart and only offers a solution to my problems if I ask for it. He lets me cry on his shoulder when I miss my family. We laugh together a lot as well. In all this we want to honour God and put Him before any of our dreams and ideas.

So there you have it J

Jesus. Life. Hope. Colin

Good morning! I've had an interesting last few months. Cambodia has started to feel more and more like home. I'm learning to really enjoy a lot of the foods. I love driving in the traffic. I love trips to the countryside. I praise God for the relationships with the beautiful people here. There have been unexpected twists and turns. Some of them are gifts from Jesus. Others can feel a bit overwhelming. 

Going to the Railway Community two days a week are still my favorite times of the week. A few months ago, I was asked to help lead the ministry there, along with one of the Khmer staff. That has been a stretch for me, but also very rewarding. It provides me with lots of opportunities to trust God for wisdom and creativity. It is incredible to see the kids encounter the love of Jesus. I love seeing their hearts connect with a loving heavenly Father. It's so powerful to get to worship God with them. And to have them come running with smiles and hugs never gets old. 

 

But then there are the hard situations that tug at my heart and I can't just shake when I leave the community. When we pray and pray and the situation seems to just get worse instead of better, I wonder where Jesus is in all this. Hopelessness knocks at my heart and all I have left to do is spend time in the secret place with the One who is our only Hope. He reminds me that He loves and cares about the people involved so much more than I do. 

I have Khmer class twice a week. Today, I was taught how to cook a traditional Khmer dish, called “Lok-Lak”. It is stir fried beef, served on a bed of greens. The classes go at a good pace that keeps me challenged enough that I learn new words every lesson, while I keep up, review and practice words that I already know. I can have a simple conversation in Khmer now! I can’t wait to be able to understand the stories from the Khmer people, pray together and believe God together with them!

Jesus frequently provides me with opportunities for refreshing times as well. One of my favorites so far has been camping at Kirirom. We went up on a mountain, covered in nothing but pine trees, grass, crickets, and fresh air. It reminded me so much of Canada, I forgot I was half a world away. We pitched our tents, built a fire, and roasted hotdogs and marshmallows. It was such a beautiful weekend to just breathe and focus on God.

Remember what I said about unexpected twists and turns? Well, I have another very unexpected twist I’ve been excited to tell you. God brought an amazing man into my life! I met Colin Chen 111 days ago at a birthday party. Since then we have somehow found our ways into each other’s hearts. We started dating 33 days ago. We started the relationship by holding hands and asking Jesus to be the centre of it, and we continue to do so at the end of every date. We really sense God in this and I thank God for Colin every day. He has blessed and encouraged me in countless different ways. One of our favourite things to do is take a drive through the countryside, surrounded by rice fields and cow manure. It’s already been an incredible journey and I’m looking forward to getting to know him even more. Stay tuned for the next post to hear more about him and how God brought us together.

When I Grow Up...

What do you want to be when you grow up? It’s my favourite conversation starter with kids. I love listening to their dreams. Here’s a few of the common ones…

• ·         I want to be a teacher
• ·         I want to be a nurse
• ·         I want to be a mommy
• ·         I want to be a farmer
• ·         I want to be an astronaut
• ·         I want to be a singer
• ·         And the list goes on…

They don’t spend time thinking about the education, time, and money that would go into becoming any one of these. They just see themselves doing it. They have so much fun pretending to be a teacher or an astronaut or whatever.

When I was little, I pretended I lived with the poor. I was a mama to kids who didn’t have parents. I read them stories and held them close. I made sure they were happy and satisfied before they went to bed. I’d tuck them in lovingly.

I grew up and realized for that dream to come true I’d have to overcome some obstacles. As a child I hadn’t realized that it would mean leaving my family. I didn’t know I’d have to learn a new language. I didn’t know it would cost of lot of money and I wouldn’t necessarily be earning any. I didn’t realize that my childhood friends wouldn’t be coming with me. I didn’t know I’d have to learn to enjoy strange foods. I didn’t think about it that I wouldn’t be able to help on the farm with the rest of the family. I didn’t know how hard it would be to be face to face with suffering every day. I didn’t know how many years it would take till it became reality. All I knew was that it made me feel fulfilled deep inside.

For the next 20+ years, I fell in love with Jesus and kept dreaming. God did an incredible work in my heart. He delivered me from fears that were huge obstacles in my life. I surrendered my dreams to Him. I learned to rest in Him. I knew He would make it happen in whatever way and time was best. Next to Jesus, this dream, or calling, became my most important passion in life. I decided at quite a young age that I’d stay single, unless God brought me someone who shared this passion. (Haha that’s for those of you who have wondered why I haven’t gotten married ;)

Three and a half months ago, I got on that plane and flew across the ocean. The beginning was rough. I missed my family. I missed speaking the same language as the kids I worked with. I missed my childhood friends. I missed Mom’s food and having plenty of meat for every meal (still do). But…I get to see the kids come into kids club with expectant smiles. I get to hold their hands. I get to look at picture books with them (I can’t read yet). I get to give them a healthy snack. I get to see them worship Jesus, in spite of the circumstances they’re in. I get to give them smiles and see them smile back. I love being on Jesus’ team and be part of bringing revival to dark places. I love praying and believing for breakthrough for families who feel stuck in the enemy’s grip. I love seeing families rescued from the street and placed in a safe home where they encounter the love of Jesus. This is all well worth any sacrifices I may have made to be here. I feel fulfilled deep inside to be doing exactly what I’ve always dreamed of doing and to see God’s faithfulness through it all.

I had my 3-month interview last week and agreed to stay longterm. I guess that means I’ve officially moved to Cambodia! This makes me very happy!

 

 

Be blessed and don't ever give up hope!

“developing a life in God’s presence above all else is the only way to fulfill our God-given destinies. Keys to our callings are released when we spend time there.” Heidi Baker, Birthing the Miraculous 

New Place -- New Experiences -- Same Jesus

Hello! It's been almost a month since I said 'Good bye' to all things familiar. I must say it feels more like 6 months, but hey...more time to have fun! It's been a crazy roller coaster of emotions and experiences. One thing has remained the same -- Jesus is always with me! On days when I wanted to get on a plane and fly home, He'd gently remind that He will never, ever leave me and He is all I need. 

My new home! This is the view from the gym on the top floor of my apartment building. I get to work out while praying over the city. It's a really nice apartment! Spacious, wifi, unlimited water, warm shower, great kitchen. There's a grocery store right across the street and a market a few blocks down.

I drove a moto! Why have I missed out on driving one all these years?! So fun! I haven't purchased one yet, but am praying about when to get one. The traffic can get quite intense, so not sure if I should practice with a bicycle first to get used to the flow. Right now for transportation, I either walk or ride a tuk tuk. 

Last week, during Khmer New Year holidays in Cambodia, I got to fly to Malaysia. I spent a week with these two beautiful friends I got to know last summer in Africa. They took me all over the country to eat Malaysian food and see rain forests and waterfalls. It was very refreshing! A lovely gift from Jesus!

These falls.....just wow! Malaysia, you've imprinted your beauty in my heart forever!

Back in Cambodia...every Monday morning we have team meeting. This includes worship, testimonies, prayer, etc. While we worship, all impossibilities fade away. Revival can and is happening in this country because Jesus is on the throne! Then we end with a tasty Cambodian lunch. This is part of my amazing new family! Sitting on the floor to eat our food just feels right. I've always wondered why we need tables and chairs anyway ;) 

Twice a week we head to the Railway Community (aka the slum) to do kids club and visit families. The kids are so beautiful! But since we can't post pictures of them, I'll just post a few pictures that happened during kids club today. First, we spend some time outside, playing soccer, jump rope, braid hair, etc. Then we head to this rented room for worship and teaching. Wash hands and feet, worship, Bible story, art, and a snack. After lunch some of them return to play....cars, dolls, books, puzzles, and nails. This gives us an opportunity to build individual relationships. I love, love these days!! 

 One of the girls (who wants to do nails as a job when she grows up) did our nails. She picked the colors :) 

So that's some of what's been happening on this side of the world. I don't know how to properly thank those of you who are making this possible. I'm just praying that God will bless you double for your support! God is doing great things all over the world!

"You are not really free until Jesus is all you need and everything you need..." Rolland Baker

Cambodia!!

Hi from Cambodia! 

I've been here for about 19 hours now. It's hard to believe that after all that praying, planning, and prep, I'm actually here. I don't have to pinch myself to prove it true, as the almost constant sweating does a good job of it :)

Today I have met my roommate, activated my phone, had lunch with fellow team members in a cute little restaurant, shopped at the local market, and fought jet lag. And now I'm chilling in front of the fan, staying somewhat cool and trying to stay awake.

We're having a team meeting tomorrow, so looking forward to meeting the rest of the team and getting a bit better of an idea of what goes on at the base here.

Hopefully in the next few days, we'll figure out which apartment we want to rent. My roommate just arrived this morning, so for now we're staying in a really nice apartment, right next door to another Iris volunteer. We're hoping to find something a bit cheaper for the long run.

I'm looking forward till a few weeks from now when everything will be a bit more settled, I'll know my way around, and have gotten the chance to join the ministry teams as they go out. I'm especially looking forward to getting to know the kids in kids club, etc. I must admit I found today a bit overwhelming, but I can always blame it on jetlag ;)

An awesome quote that sums up what's going on in my heart: "I'm not in love with changing the world. I'm in love with the perfect Savior who changes the world." Rolland Baker.

Hello blog world!

What?! I'm a blogger?!

I just felt a need to write my stories, share my experiences, process my thoughts, but mostly, to keep you updated on this crazy journey my Papa God is taking me on.

I am currently in the process of figuring out flights, health insurance, and all the details that come with moving overseas to Cambodia. Some days, I want to just fall asleep and not wake up till it's all taken care of, but most days I'm doing quite well. I am so grateful for all the helpful people in my life. And the people (aka family) who have to listen to my constant thinking-out-loud.

I have realized this is also a really good time to be very intentional about spending time in God's presence. All worries and concerns slip away as I focus on Jesus, His love, His grace, and His promise to always be with me.

More to come soon!